Saturday evening brought the usual crowd of diners,most very pleasant,amidst whom there was the usual louder than anyone else,attention seeking individual,effortlessly exuding a sense of smug entitlement and in possession of an overbearing self congratulatory manner. The sort of individual who demands obsequious service and gets right up the noses of all staff who come into contact with him.
Endless searching questions designed to catch one out whilst at the same time demonstrating his encompassing knowledge of wines and all things culinary.
You've met him haven't you.Or perhaps you've sat at the table next to him.Speaking in a loud booming voice just to make sure that the whole room is party to his conversation.Then when he makes (in his opinion) a particularly amusing comment he smiles and nods at all around him,basking in the glory.
I first noticed him swinging back on his chair,arms hitched over the back rest before I even took the order.
As things began to hot up,the lady at the next table decided to ditch her cardigan,as she did so the books atop the newspaper rack sited on the wall directly behind her table were inadvertently displaced.
They fell to the floor with a such a ear shattering clatter that Foghorn Leghorns dialogue was momentarily drowned out..
Irritated that the commotion had diverted attention from Himself,Leghorn looked over at these most unassuming of diners and just as their main courses were delivered to their table,snorted and shouted loudly:
'Well that's got to be embarrassing for you,trying to wreck the joint,eh??'
The poor woman's deep scarlet complexion could not I'm afraid, on this occasion, be attributed to her wine intake.Sadly her head was kept compliantly down for the remainder of the meal.
Leghorn continued to swing back on his chair,his full and not insignificant bodyweight supported by two legs.
As I delivered starters to the table next to the fire,sited directly behind him,disaster struck. I was met by the unmistakable sound of splintering wood,as the chair buckled under the sustained pressure.In a knee jerk reaction,I held game terrine and soup(!) directly above my head whilst my right leg splayed outwards,propping the lower half of Leghorns chair,which had detached itself from the seat, upright.The upshot of this being that the seat of the chair flipped upwards, deckchair style with Leghorns bottom wedged firmly in the collapse.Being on the XXL side of Large, Leghorn was well and truly trapped, knees nearer to his chest than I'm sure they had been in many a year.
I think that's called Karma.
Two of his companions(now there's a word you never see used in general conversation,other than in restaurant reviews)were obliged to unceremoniously manhandle him from the wreckage.
Reader,I must confess I may have held my leg firmly in the wedge position a little longer than was absolutely necessary,at least long enough that the pleasant couple who had earlier experienced the unfortunate book incident and its aftermath,had the chance to enjoy the whole sorry spectacle.
|Unsuitable swing exhibiting impact damage|
How the mighty have fallen.
Almost worth the impressive bruise injury which I'm currently sporting.
|Colourful bruise injury|
How can one justify an unashamed toot of ones own trumpet?
Given the spate of complaints letters received recently and which to be fair I've publicised in unadulterated form on here,I propose that I am permitted nay entitled to redress the balance a little,in the interests of providing an alternative(and unbiased..?) view point.
Yesterday the following letter appeared in our local paper.A regular alerted Chef via text message in the early afternoon.
'Statistics show that 60 pubs a week close down in Great Britain.There are many reasons for this shocking state of affairs-poor service,no welcome,expensive frozen food,overpriced liquid and lack of ambience and atmosphere just to name a few.
Just recently whilst travelling to (insert next county) we decided to stop at the (insert pub name).We walked into a real pub with a lovely atmosphere and a great welcome.
We had a gorgeous home made meal at a fair price.On looking around this lovely hostelry,we found out that all produce was locally sourced.
We were delighted at this because the(insert pub name)is helping to support the local economy and give us value for money excellent food.
This pub has certainly got the wow factor and it makes you feel you want to go back again.We definitely shall go back.'
|charming positive feedback|
As Chef said we couldn't have composed a more complimentary endorsement had we penned it ourselves.
Ah well,onwards and upwards!