Boring stuff

All characters portrayed in this blog are fictitious,any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental.
Please don't reproduce any text or pictures without asking my permission first.
All rights are reserved.

Twitter follow button

Tuesday, 31 August 2010

What a load of rubbish.

The Great British Waste Menu got me thinking about food waste.Not that I watched the programme, but I gather it involved a group of celebrity chefs who cook up some dishes,reputedly from food products which had been thrown away.Though I've no doubt that there would be vast quantities of waste food available for them to cook with,call me a cynic, but I bet the products they actually used were procured from the supermarkets and weren't actually sourced from the bins.If that is what they did I'm impressed.

Thinking about the masses of food thrown away both in homes and businesses made me think about the way we run our own business.

It may surprise you to learn that we have very little waste.
There are a few simple reasons why this is the case.

We have a small seasonal menu which changes daily depending on what is available.Keeping the menu seasonal means that products which are plentiful at particular times of the year are used,not wasted.It also means that you are using products when they are at their best and freshest.Changing the menu often also means there's no temptation to stock pile items in large quantities,once something is sold out its substituted with something different.

We buy small amounts of each item from small local suppliers who make daily deliveries.Buying small amounts means we never over order as next delivery is never far away.

We only buy what we need.If its not on the menu we don't buy it.Therefore there's never anything languishing unused at the back of the fridge.There are no impulse buys.

We need to make the business sustainable/make a profit.
We work to a budget therefore minimising on waste is fundamental to the success of the business.Using local suppliers means you have a rapport with the people you are buying from so they can advise you of good value items/things to avoid.This is a two way benefit.For example,our butcher supplies meats from his own farm and having a glut of Lamb chops last week which he needed to sell,asked us to put them on the menu,which we did at a good price.Problem solved.

If you think about it what I've described above is the typical household scenario of maybe 30-40 years ago and beyond.
If you applied the same principles to a modern day household food waste in this country would be significantly reduced.

There was a time when everyone's mother prepared and cooked food from scratch.This was the norm.The kitchen was the focal point of the house with everyone subconsciously absorbing the expertise that would enable them to recreate this in homes of their own.Sundays roast chicken carcass was made into soup for Monday.Bacon bones were free from the butcher and also made the most delicious soup.People lived within a budget.The accessibility of easy credit has taken away the urgency for careful menu planning.

Over the last few years in our local town we have lost:a fishmonger,two greengrocers,two butchers,a gentlemen's outfitters and various other typically provincial shops.
They've been replaced by value frozen food stores,a host of charity shops(enjoying zero rating status)and various beauty salons and gyms.All convenience or image orientated businesses.As I write this I cant believe that I've actually counted up a total of fourteen hairdressing salons and seven charity shops in a small 'market' town which now has no dedicated greengrocery shop.

Lets dispel some myths.How many times have you heard the following:
I cant afford to shop local its too expensive/I don't have time to trail around two or three different shops when I can buy everything under one roof.

Since we've had the pub my household expenses have been drastically reduced.That's not because we eat from the menu,its because I can plan what I want for the next day and have it delivered accordingly.Therefore I don't buy anything extra.I'm not doing a weekly shop in a large supermarket and buying what I think I might need and invariably buying extra in case we run short.Nor am I buying products which I will never use because its only a pound more to have two.Invariably this item will end up binned.
I'm not saying I never shop in the supermarket but I avoid buying fresh foods there.My one visit per week still usually involves an unnecessary purchase,but nowadays its usually a book.

As far as time goes,I defy anyone to spend less time buying two or three items in a supermarket and not being distracted by the other wares on sale.I've never ever come out of a supermarket and only purchased what I went in for.Walking around our local Tesco,then queueing at the inevitable checkout jam takes far longer than a quick visit to two or three specialist shops.

Supermarkets have been blamed for the requirement for producers to supply aesthetically pleasing fruit and vegetables which results in misshapen products or items which don't meet new stringent size guidelines being discarded.
This is a consumer driven trend which the supermarkets have gladly met.Its also something the self serve situation has propagated,who doesn't pick up their bag of grapes/oranges/broccoli and choose the best looking examples.Its an example of society's preoccupation with image.Along with the unnecessary plastic/polystyrene packaging designed to display everything to its best advantage thus creating more waste.Gone are the days when you visited your local greengrocer and were handed the items in an environmentally friendly brown paper bag or even better had the items simply dropped into your bag unadorned except for their own custom made skins,perfect to retain freshness.Or the fishmonger(or even fish and chip shop) and had your purchases wrapped in newspaper.

The introduction of Use by/Best before dates has also contributed massively to waste.A best before date is a guideline,but most foods reaching best before will be discarded.This includes items such as vegetables and fruit.Its easy to tell if a piece of fruit or a vegetable is OK to eat.Feel it and smell it,then eat it.

Its easy to blame the supermarkets,for the demise of the local specialist shop but the reason they weren't commercially viable was not because the supermarkets forced them out its because they weren't supported by consumers.
The masses demand increasingly more choice and more convenience.They want the option of eating strawberries in December and celeriac in June.
Society is moving away from a close relationship with the food we eat ever more towards convenience and a detached relationship and understanding of food provenance and preparation.

With ever more convenience products from complete meals to vegetables in washed format consumers are further distanced from food as a raw ingredient.Convenience demands washed salad leaves, ready chopped vegetables,cooked potato dishes,vegetable medleys all ready to microwave.Every possible ingredient can be purchased prepared ready for consumers to throw together in the semblance of a home cooked dish at the last minute.I suppose this is what happens in commercial restaurants.With the exception that the chef/cooks have actually pre prepared the ingredients themselves.
My own children having been brought up around food are quite comfortable with preparing food for themselves.Not so many of their friends.
This situation is not helped in school where the characteristic detachment to basic food contact seems to be prevalent.At Middle School during Food Technology classes use of knives was for Health and Safety reasons precluded(heaven forbid the little darlings cut themselves).Ingredients were prepared at home and taken into school in handy little pots ready to be combined to form the finished dish.Cling filmed or wrapped in foil.More waste.
In my school days an onion,carrot or potato were flung into a bag at the last minute,no effort involved.
One of the first things we learnt was how to dice an onion,peel and chop vegetables and other fundamental skills required to cook and I can't ever remember anyone losing a digit.

One of my children opted to take food Technology as a subject at GCSE and at A level.The requirement to take pre chopped prepared ingredients into school continued.Reputedly because timetable constraints did not allow these things to be done in school.I wondered how many mothers were at home preparing their son/daughters ingredients for the next day.When it came to assessments these skills had to be observed by the teacher.When son's report came home the Food Technology teacher noted he had 'a high degree of manual dexterity'.I felt quite proud, I wondered what skill he had shown to deserve this accolade.When I overheard mothers extolling the virtues of their son/daughters academic achievements I felt quite smug with the knowledge.
At the open evening the meaning of the phrase was revealed.


How depressing that these skills which would have been taken for granted in previous generations were actually being lauded.
I began to think that you could actually go through school and choose Food Technology as a subject without ever having to become proficient in any of the practical skills.
Jamie Oliver would have been better advised to instigate some sort of teaching initiative aimed at familiarising children with basic food ingredients rather than the school dinners flop.

The Sensible One starts a degree course in Food and Nutrition in a couple of weeks time.When we visited his University of choice we were impressed with the State of the Art kitchens.One of the prospective students posed a question:
Do we supply our own ingredients?
The response was that all ingredients were included in the course fees.Our attention was directed to the numerous trolleys laden with each individual students required items.I'm hopeful not ready chopped and prepared but am reserving judgement as we were informed that kitchen time was at a premium. As students cooked using pans and utensils etc these were spirited away immediately to be washed and returned by specially employed ladies.
The Sensible One looked delighted.No washing up.How convenient.

On another level,The City and Guilds Chefs qualification was phased out a few years ago to be replaced by The NVQ system.City and Guilds gave every chef a basic grounding in all areas of classic cooking.Including making stocks/sauces from scratch.A couple of years ago when Chef was employed by one of the Big Hotel groups he was asked to take the NVQ assessors qualification in order to formally assess trainee chefs employed, in line with company policy .One of the assessed skills he had to observe was learning to make up a stock.From a packet.He didn't finish the qualification.
It wasn't long before we ventured out into self employment.

But what about the growth in Farmers markets/Farm Shops I hear you say.Surely this reveals a U-turn back to the traditional locally sourced products.
How many true Farm shops are there?Ones that can exist based on the produce that is actually produced on their own farm.Not many.Most need to stock an array of bought in products to attract customers,pretty jars with gingham checked lids,pot pourris and scented candles all specifically produced for the target market,all centrally sourced and distributed country wide.For most,visiting a Farm shop is a destination outing,not a means to buying the weekly shop.A day out.Many wouldn't exist without the tea room or other outside attraction.I'm not saying I don't like Farm Shops,I do,there are some very good ones which offer excellent individual products but they cant be viewed as a substitute to the dedicated local food shop.

We live near a market town where the once monthly farmers market has various stalls one of which is taken by the fishmonger who used to have a shop in town.How sad that a facility which was once available daily is now only available once a month.An opportunity to purchase sustainable fish from day boats not from trawlers dredging the deep ocean.
Whilst the farmers market is busy,its a niche market which attracts 'foodies' and also probably the few who supported the local shops.The many organic and specialist products on sale mean the Farmers market isn't accessible to all.I'm told that there's a quite rigorous selection process for anyone wanting to obtain a pitch at the farmers market.

At the twice weekly market shoppers have the benefit of a fruit and veg stall,but the biggest stall is the one selling CDs.Its no longer food oriented.
Looking at the latest reports available the growth in farm shops is heralded as a retail success,but the growth has to be seen in context with the closures of many local shops.I bet proportionally in the same period far more local food shops have been lost.
After I'd started writing this I noticed this article in the Guardian today.If true its worrying that yet more basic accessible to all stalls are jeopardised as a result of not meeting the elitist criteria of the market trustees.

This country needs some forward thinking town planners who could offer attractive business rates/incentives to local food shops in the same way that the Micro Breweries have been supported by the government in the Progressive Beer Duty which has resulted in an explosion of local breweries and the rejuvenation of a traditionally British industry.

Its a shame the value of the local shop isn't more widely recognised. If we're not careful soon the only options available will be at opposite ends of the spectrum,and worryingly the traditional atmosphere of our town centres will be lost forever.

Society's obsession with convenience/image is inherently to blame for the mountain of food waste experienced in this country.
Its a cultural problem.

Oh and one other thing, 6th-12th September is National Zero Waste Week sponsored by a packaging company(I'm sure that's a contradiction in terms)and endorsed by chef Brian Turner.

Saturday, 28 August 2010


The following is an exact transcript of a letter sent to our local council in appeal against a parking ticket.

Dear Sir,
I received this ticket on(date) because I was parked in a Disabled Bay without a badge.This ticket was issued correctly as I am not registered as disabled.However,at the present time I am receiving Augmentin(antibiotic)to clear up a condition called Orchitis,which affects men's testicles,making them swell, in my case to almost twice the size.This in turn is very uncomfortable and renders even walking very painful.Hence when there was no close parking bays adjacent to the shop(and three empty disabled bays)this was my only real option to minimise discomfort.
To verify the above you may contact my GP(contact details enclosed).He diagnosed my condition last Friday.I have also enclosed a print out description of Orchitis plus an empty packet of my prescribed antibiotics.If you require a GP letter please let me know,the only issue being they usually charge £25 which is almost the charge for the ticket issued.
I trust you will take my appeal into consideration as I assure you that it is not easy writing about such a sensitive matter.
Additionally, I was only shopping for some shoes for my daughters christening on Sunday otherwise it would have been the last activity I would have undertaken.
I look forward to your reply in due course.

A compassionate response restores one's faith in local government.

Tuesday, 24 August 2010

And the madness continues..

The house has been a tad quieter this week and infinitely tidier.
Have I mentioned that Only Daughter and BG are twins?
Not obvious,given that they are the complete antithesis of each other in appearance, nature and interests.Their only shared likeness being their innate untidiness and their wildly curly hair(one blonde,one dark)for which I'm to blame.
They're both currently holidaying in typically contrasting style.

Only daughter,having conscientiously saved her wages to pay her air fare is currently resident at The Cosmoplitan,Singapore.

BG,on the other hand,whilst his sister enjoys the luxuries of on site pool,jacuzzi,gym and daily maid is billeted in somewhat more modest lodgings.Rendered incapable of the ability to save due to his weekly binge of spending on a whirlwind of weekend social activities, he is enjoying the pleasures of Wrostlers Barn,near Coniston Water in the Lake District.

Now, you may think that Only Daughter's far flung destination might pose the greatest torment.Not so, provided she was able to negotiate her flight connection in Dubai(which she did)she is now safely ensconced in the care of my beloved sis.Phew.

No,my concern lies with a group of 16/17 year old unsupervised boys.
Lets take a tour of their living accommodation and a peek at the luxuries afforded therein.

'secluded location just metres away from Coniston Water'

'two large gas lanterns providing light and a wood burning stove'

'raised sleeping platform'
Note the precarious means of access via rickety ladder requiring full control of ones mental faculties in order to negotiate safely.

There was some discussion/controversy regarding showering facilities available on site(clearly non exist).Given this information and having prior knowledge of the plentiful supply of baked beans taken along, I'm guessing that the air will be less than fragrant by now in Wrostlers Barn.

In summary,accommodation basically comprises a stone built two storey tent with additional inclusive hazards at no extra cost:

Deep Water

Once other known teenage leisure activities are thrown into the mix,I'm not exactly inspired with certitude.
I've been keeping everything crossed and anxiously await his safe return tomorrow.

Meanwhile,back at the ranch,The Sensible One(in direction contravention of his name and reputation) was choosing a novel and highly original extra curricular activity in order to celebrate his A level successes and entry to his university of choice to study Food and Nutrition.

Together with three equally triumphant friends,he embarked on a leisurely drive around the surrounding villages and countryside.
Wearing balaclavas.

Astonishingly, this attracted a notable amount of attention and resulted in numerous telephone calls to the local police station from traumatised concerned members of the public.CCTV footage was painstakingly studied to establish the identity of the perpetrators.
As a result yours truly 'had 'er collar felt' last Friday.
Sorry,did I not mention that their vehicle of choice was in fact my own car?The one that costs me £1700 per annum to insure The Sensible One for?

You see,said Chef, I told you there were far too many people going to university these days.Four brains and between them not one clever enough to work out that careering around the countryside in a plausible impression of the Anthill Mob wasn't going to cause problems..

To which the Sensible One's only defence:Well its only an item of clothing, we weren't actually doing anything.
Which was true.Other than observing the reactions of innocent passers-by.

The upshot of the misdemeanour was that all four received a strong ticking off and were each fined £60 under Public Order Law.

Never mind,said Chef,they weren't actually robbing a bank.
Which was a comfort.

Yesterday afternoon,noting the severe weather warning announced on the radio,as predicted we experienced torrential and consistent rain throughout the afternoon.I was mindful of the home comforts afforded at Wrostlers Barn

What's up?said Chef
Self:Oh I was just watching the rivulets of rain as they make their way down the window and all join up together.Its quite soothing.

Chef:Come on were going out for dinner,I've booked a table.

Just in time.
I think he'd spotted the men in white coats on the horizon.

Wednesday, 18 August 2010

People love bad food.

I was reading this review the other day and it got me thinking.
Its an entertaining review which I enjoyed reading, but there's an angle which the writer probably hasn't considered possible.

Whilst the diners at the Aberdeen Angus Steak House appeared all to be tourists,I've no doubt that if the concept were to be rolled out nationwide it would be just as busy,but not exclusively with tourists.

If you like good food its a difficult concept to grasp,but actually,controversial though this may seem, there is a demand for bad food in this country.
Before we took the plunge into self employment, we ate at most of the pubs in the local area in the interests of market research and the obligatory business plan required by the bank.

The pubs we visited fell into five main categories:

The Straightforward Boozer
Wet sales only with snacks the only food offer.An increasing rarity in country areas,only really feasible in a town centre with high volume sales.

The Posh Pub.
The place to be seen.Food edible but not great, more focus on presentation,fancy plates and food piled vertiginously high.Lots of people, but not everyone eating.

The Bog Standard Pub
Nothing really to make it stand out,food not great, a bit tired and down at heel.

The Grotesque
Don't even go there.We were afraid to eat in some of these.


The Branded Chain Pub.
This most sinister of pubs, black boards professionally written,usually a concept brand run by a brewery.Probably most similar to the Aberdeen Angus Steak House mentioned in the review.Food abysmal.

The majority of the pubs visited varied from atrocious to marginally bad.In a thirty mile radius there were only two pubs serving the type of food we would willingly pay for.There seemed a definite gap in the market for somewhere serving decent food.We could clean up.

As the research progressed,there emerged a worrying pattern.There was a certain type of place which despite serving crap food was exceptionally busy.
The Branded Chain Pub.
Though the food was invariably notably inferior to that on offer at both the Posh Pub and in some cases the Bog Standard Pub,they were unfailingly,consistently mobbed.
The menus at the Branded Chain Pub offer a multitude of options and variations.
Specials boards,"lite bites",sandwiches(wraps,baguettes,rolls,sliced bread),classics,from the grill,fresh from the ocean etc,etc.So much choice that if you know anything you know everything is straight from freezer to plate,no skill required to produce.All centrally sourced,cheap ingredients yielding maximum profits.

In one local Branded Chain Pub we noted that some bright spark in head office had clearly picked up on the trend for specifying food provenance, but had totally missed the point.The menu read like a whistle stop tour of the British Isles and beyond.Particularly nauseating were the "freshly baked white rolls served with Somerset butter swirls" In Northumberland.
But no matter,to the average Branded Chain Pub diner 'food miles' is the distance from their front door to the nearest Chef and Brewer.

It took us a while to get our heads around what we had uncovered.We were dismayed but went ahead with our plans.Eventually, we came to accept that there was indeed a significant market for crap food.Moreover, the market for crap food is actually bigger than the market for decent food.Its no accident that places like the Aberdeen Angus Steak House and the local Chef and Brewer survive.They do more than that,they thrive because they exist to meet a massive demand.So next time you pass by, don't feel outraged that they exist,the diners inside are enjoying themselves,they like it there.

Known within the trade as the "Scampi and Chips crew" these particular diners don't want freshly cooked food.Their palate is honed to appreciate pre prepared reheated meals which require no skill to prepare.We can spot them when they come in the pub.Its easy,they scan the menu,look uncomfortable then ask if that's the 'only menu'.The ones who do stay and order food stare incredulously when you explain that there's no children's menu.What nothing for children?Well hold on, here's a novel concept, why not let them eat the same as you, except maybe a smaller portion?
In the absence of chicken nuggets, I'm constantly depressed by the increasing number of parents who choose to feed their offspring "plain pasta no olive oil or butter with some grated cheddar on top".Not exactly providing any of the requisite five a day..

Without wishing to get into a Jamie Oliver style rant,though his intentions were admirable,it was clearly manifest from the outset that the school dinners initiative was fatally flawed.People cant be forced to eat food which they have no taste for.Taste for food is instilled at home and at an early age.The truth is people aren't being forced to eat bad food,they want to,hence the pasties through the school perimeter fence debacle.

I fear the current generation could be the worst affected,fed on an increasing diet of convenience foods there are fewer parents who cook at home than ever before.

The other night,out of interest we took a trip over to the nearest Branded Chain Pub,just to see if anything had changed since our last visit.
It was still heaving.
As we approached the bar an Ethel Stout type character greeted us:

Are You's wanting to eat?
Chef:No thanks, just drinks..

A pro written A-board barred our entrance to the coveted dining area, lest drinkers commandeer valuable eating spots:PLEASE WAIT TO BE SEATED.

Recalling from a prior visit that the wine selection was gross wasn't that enamouring,I spotted a solitary miniature bottle of Lanson champagne in the bar fridge.

Self: Can I have that small champagne please?

Ethel:Is it your birthday??

Self:No I just fancied it..

Ethel:Why don't you get the big bottle it'll be cheaper?

Self:No,I only want a small one

Ethel:But you can take it home.

Self:No it'll be flat by the time I get home

Ethel:What about some sparkling wine, that'll be cheaper..

By this time I was getting frantic, I could see the wee bottle just out of reach, if she doesn't give it me now I'm going to lamp her..

Self:No, give me the champagne - its what I want.


Raising her eyebrows and giving Chef a knowing look(I can see you've got your hands full with that one, pet),Ethel reached down and begrudgingly proffered the prized bottle.

We retired to the tall stool area specifically allocated for drinkers.
I had just managed to take a sneak photo of one of the many menus before Ethel's voice boomed out.

Are you enjoying your Champagne then?

Self:Yes thanks.

Twenty sets of eyes within close proximity fixed their sights on me as I decadently necked the last of the Champagne, and it wasn't even my birthday.

I turned to Chef:
That's it,I'm done,lets go.

Chef shook his head in disbelief as he gazed at the caption 'Chicago Chicken' on the classics menu.Classic from where??Its a British pub classic of course.
( Can I suggest you zoom in on this item to fully appreciate its constituent ingredients)

When we arrived home Only Daughter was at the computer attempting to check in on line and select her preferred seat,in preparation for her much awaited trip overseas.

She called me over.

Only Daughter: Mum,what's a bland meal?
Self:What do you mean?
Only Daughter:It says here in the in flight meal options 'Bland meal' You can pre order it.

There it was in black and white right between Gluten Free and Vegan.
'Bland Meal'

Self:Well I suppose its exactly what it says.
Only Daughter:But who on earth would want to eat a bland meal?

I was about to respond by saying I have no idea,but stopped myself.
Unfortunately, I know only too well ....

The writing is on the wall for the future generation of generic eaters-in- waiting.

This morning, I deposited Only Daughter at Newcastle International for her first unaccompanied trip abroad.Armed with a healthy appetite and a Makansutra Guide,courtesy of Amazon,I've no doubt whatsoever that she will seek out some tasty scran,in spite being a tourist...


Related Posts with Thumbnails